Dad turns 90

... tomorrow. He will likely be celebrating with his friends in the complex and step-children from his other marriages. I am never invited to these events - like birthdays, weddings, Christmas or Thanksgiving - because, as my father said it so succinctly ten years ago: "You're not family; you're just offspring." I'm his only child, but he hates my mother and I'm a constant reminder of her. He has liked his other three wives and their children, and taught them all to dislike me.

So now that I'm no longer useful to him because of my own health issues (kidney stones), he doesn't bother to communicate with me. He has "volunteers" as he calls them. They aren't volunteers they are women helpers paid by the retirement complex. I actually applied to be employed as one of them in November, but was rejected. They won't hire a smart, mature woman with a degree in home economics, but they will hire a 17 year old who doesn't know how to make soup out of can. (I had to teach her.)

I have no idea whether he got someone to drive him to Pittsburgh last week. It's a three-hour drive each way and because my kidney stone still hasn't passed, sitting and highway riding are very uncomfortable for me. And having to keep hydrating and peeing every 15-20 minutes makes for a lot of stops. I've often had to go 7 hours without a "pit stop"when taking Dad to doctor appointments, treatments and hospital tests because he doesn't allow time for bathroom breaks.

And when Dad never says hello, goodbye or thank you to me, I feel unappreciated. So, I think, after 18 months it's time for me to stop putting my life on hold and take my life back. I'm sending Dad a birthday card today, but will wait until next week to tell him I'm moving out and planning to start my life over somewhere else. Without friends or family here, it's time to stop trying to look after him, but look after myself.