... tomorrow. He will likely be celebrating with his friends in the complex and step-children from his other marriages. I am never invited to these events - like birthdays, weddings, Christmas or Thanksgiving - because, as my father said it so succinctly ten years ago: "You're not family; you're just offspring." I'm his only child, but he hates my mother and I'm a constant reminder of her. He has liked his other three wives and their children, and taught them all to dislike me.
So now that I'm no longer useful to him because of my own health issues (kidney stones), he doesn't bother to communicate with me. He has "volunteers" as he calls them. They aren't volunteers they are women helpers paid by the retirement complex. I actually applied to be employed as one of them in November, but was rejected. They won't hire a smart, mature woman with a degree in home economics, but they will hire a 17 year old who doesn't know how to make soup out of can. (I had to teach her.)
I have no idea whether he got someone to drive him to Pittsburgh last week. It's a three-hour drive each way and because my kidney stone still hasn't passed, sitting and highway riding are very uncomfortable for me. And having to keep hydrating and peeing every 15-20 minutes makes for a lot of stops. I've often had to go 7 hours without a "pit stop"when taking Dad to doctor appointments, treatments and hospital tests because he doesn't allow time for bathroom breaks.
And when Dad never says hello, goodbye or thank you to me, I feel unappreciated. So, I think, after 18 months it's time for me to stop putting my life on hold and take my life back. I'm sending Dad a birthday card today, but will wait until next week to tell him I'm moving out and planning to start my life over somewhere else. Without friends or family here, it's time to stop trying to look after him, but look after myself.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Speakers are funny
At least once a day I hear from a speaker I've never heard of. I receive a nice introduction about what phenomenal speakers they are, how much money they deserve, and how intelligent they are; but they never say why they are contacting me. I ask.
Do they want my advice? Do they want me to congratulate them and tell them I think they are as wonderful as they tell me? Do they want me to publicize them so they get more of the adulation they crave? Do they want me to send them something? Do they want me to represent them? I don't know.
Sometimes I think they believe I own a speaker's bureau. I don't. I own a public relations firm (since 1979) and I negotiate bigger fees and contract terms for my clients. (I will help a non-client speaker if she wants assistance with a contract negotiation.) And if they are as intelligent as they claim they already will have spent time at my web site to see that before they contact me.
If they are brilliant they will contact me to hire me. If they are not representation-worthy they will do four things:
1. They will not bother to read through my web site.
2. They will not have the good manners to reply to my response.
3. They will not give me the information I need, in the form I ask for, to determine if I will want to work with them.
4. They will not hire me to help them generate high-paying speaking engagements nor ask me to increase their contract fees and terms.
Time after time, I write a reply never to hear from them again... except to be bombarded forever after with their emails, telling me something else wonderful about them. When this happens I just delete them, but I remember who they are.... and that's not a good thing.
Do they want my advice? Do they want me to congratulate them and tell them I think they are as wonderful as they tell me? Do they want me to publicize them so they get more of the adulation they crave? Do they want me to send them something? Do they want me to represent them? I don't know.
Sometimes I think they believe I own a speaker's bureau. I don't. I own a public relations firm (since 1979) and I negotiate bigger fees and contract terms for my clients. (I will help a non-client speaker if she wants assistance with a contract negotiation.) And if they are as intelligent as they claim they already will have spent time at my web site to see that before they contact me.
If they are brilliant they will contact me to hire me. If they are not representation-worthy they will do four things:
1. They will not bother to read through my web site.
2. They will not have the good manners to reply to my response.
3. They will not give me the information I need, in the form I ask for, to determine if I will want to work with them.
4. They will not hire me to help them generate high-paying speaking engagements nor ask me to increase their contract fees and terms.
Time after time, I write a reply never to hear from them again... except to be bombarded forever after with their emails, telling me something else wonderful about them. When this happens I just delete them, but I remember who they are.... and that's not a good thing.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Praise for Erie U-Haul
It just keeps getting better.
U-Haul knows how to treat customers. They could teach Landmark Square Apartments a few lessons in civility, kindness and generosity.
A week or so ago, the deal they offered me on a 12 x 28 foot storage unit was: pay for the first month, get the second month for $10. Today they said the deal had expired. I was about to complain but the gentleman quickly said it's now: First month free, second month at the regular price. So in addition to saving quite a bit, today I saved $10 more.
So, for $185 (including tax) for the first two months I get a large storage unit that has two florescent light fixtures, an on-off switch, and two electric outlets. That means I can recharge my laptop and cell phone or power box at the same time. Plus there is a security alarm system for protection. The floors are urethaned (no floor stains) the lanes are concrete (no gravel to track inside) and I can have 24 hour access. And there is a dumpster outside for refuse. Their office is a big store where I could buy any tools I need. I already have my own locks.
While I don't intend to sleep in the unit - they didn't say I couldn't, but I didn't ask either - during the day I could make a cup of tea in my tiny microwave, shred old files, write and print out business letters, and do my taxes. It is usually pretty cold in February and March, but with my brand new room heater, I could warm it up for a few hours a day that I'd be there.
The U-Haul man even gave me the exact unit I had decided I wanted before I got there... without even asking. Things just go right when they are meant to be. I will start moving my things there on the 15th.
U-Haul knows how to treat customers. They could teach Landmark Square Apartments a few lessons in civility, kindness and generosity.
A week or so ago, the deal they offered me on a 12 x 28 foot storage unit was: pay for the first month, get the second month for $10. Today they said the deal had expired. I was about to complain but the gentleman quickly said it's now: First month free, second month at the regular price. So in addition to saving quite a bit, today I saved $10 more.
So, for $185 (including tax) for the first two months I get a large storage unit that has two florescent light fixtures, an on-off switch, and two electric outlets. That means I can recharge my laptop and cell phone or power box at the same time. Plus there is a security alarm system for protection. The floors are urethaned (no floor stains) the lanes are concrete (no gravel to track inside) and I can have 24 hour access. And there is a dumpster outside for refuse. Their office is a big store where I could buy any tools I need. I already have my own locks.
While I don't intend to sleep in the unit - they didn't say I couldn't, but I didn't ask either - during the day I could make a cup of tea in my tiny microwave, shred old files, write and print out business letters, and do my taxes. It is usually pretty cold in February and March, but with my brand new room heater, I could warm it up for a few hours a day that I'd be there.
The U-Haul man even gave me the exact unit I had decided I wanted before I got there... without even asking. Things just go right when they are meant to be. I will start moving my things there on the 15th.
Van Dwelling Advantages
Today is the fourth day in a row I have had to endure hammering, shouting, drilling, sawing, tobacco smoke, and toxic fumes (volatile organic compounds) for 8-9 hours a day, from management's employees on the other side of my wall. So I wrote this list of advantages of living in a van over living in an apartment.
1. If there is tobacco smoke or toxic fumes that makes me ill, I can turn my key in the ignition and drive away.
2. If there is shouting, hammering, or construction noise that disrupts my ability to think, write, and earn a living, I can drive away.
3. My rent will be reduced from $810 a month to $180 a month (for self-storage).
4. I can eliminate a monthly cable bill of $132 (digital phone, Internet and TV) by using MagicJack, prepaid cell phone, free Wifi, and a small TV with a converter box and antenna.
5. I can eliminate my $50 a month electric bill by paying friends per kilowatt hour for using their power at night to keep warm and recharging my power box, laptop, and cell phone at my storage unit. And I will have a solar panel to recharge my power box, a solar-powered radio and 2 solar lights.
6. I can eliminate a $200 a month heating bill in the winter by driving south where it's warmer.
7. I'll be living below my means - under $500 a month - and will save $900 a month or more in rent and utilities. And hopefully, I'll be able to pay off debts faster and start saving for retirement.
8. There will be no more pet fees - $500 a year - to pay a landlord (for what?): $200 non-refundable deposit and $25 a month additional rent for one cat.
9. There will be no more maintenance crew standing outside my window shouting, dropping cigarette butts on the ground and leaving garbage on porches... which tenants are fined for if they do it. (Double-standard.)
10. I will be living in a small space - 9 feet x 5 feet - which means consolidating and compacting what I own to live efficiently. This means eliminating the unnecessary, preventing impulsive purchases, hoarding and excessive consumer consumption.
11. I won't have to feel like I'm living in a fishbowl - 17 windows in this apartment. I'll be able to feel invisible, because most people don't realize I'm inside the van and I can write without being disturbed.
12. When I am invited to speak somewhere, I can interchange a few things in the van with things in storage (stool, podium, white board) and I'm on my way, lickety-split.
Not bad, eh? Can you think of any more?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
$100 a day
Management is hammering and banging next door again. Looks like they are laying new carpeting for an anticipated new tenant. I can't complain about renovation, I guess, as it won't last forever. It's ironic that they had no money to make my wet basement safe and habitable but they have money to renovate the empty apartment. Makes me feel that I'm a second-class tenant. Would that be sexism or age-ism?
But the smoke from management's employees is making me sick. It's making me so nauseous that I can't eat breakfast. It's wafting into my basement from large holes in my basement walls, circulating through my heating system and rising up the stairs to my kitchen through the louvred door. I complained yesterday, and either management did nothing to stop the smoke or they have no control over their employees.
Why must paying tenants be at the mercy of workers who receive their salary from tenants' rent?
So I emailed Landmark Square Apartments management and said that from yesterday on I would charge $100 a day for the aggravation from smoke. They think they are going to charge me for steam cleaning the carpets in my unit, but since it wasn't done before I moved in, I see no reason to pay for carpet cleaning.
We'll see what happens. I'm always prepared to go to court and will be able to show up with emails of correspondence and photos.
But the smoke from management's employees is making me sick. It's making me so nauseous that I can't eat breakfast. It's wafting into my basement from large holes in my basement walls, circulating through my heating system and rising up the stairs to my kitchen through the louvred door. I complained yesterday, and either management did nothing to stop the smoke or they have no control over their employees.
Why must paying tenants be at the mercy of workers who receive their salary from tenants' rent?
So I emailed Landmark Square Apartments management and said that from yesterday on I would charge $100 a day for the aggravation from smoke. They think they are going to charge me for steam cleaning the carpets in my unit, but since it wasn't done before I moved in, I see no reason to pay for carpet cleaning.
We'll see what happens. I'm always prepared to go to court and will be able to show up with emails of correspondence and photos.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Dr. Kinsey
This made me feel ancient.
Dr. Kinsey was my pediatrician. Today his great granddaughter and her little girl were in my living room. She is buying my sofa, loveseat and coffee table.
I really think that if it weren't for Dr. Kinsey I might not have thrived as a baby and grown to be an adult. So it gives me pleasure to hand over my living room furniture to his descendants.
I really think that if it weren't for Dr. Kinsey I might not have thrived as a baby and grown to be an adult. So it gives me pleasure to hand over my living room furniture to his descendants.
Childish Landlord
Today is the first of the month and the property manager probably read my notice of vacating in 30 days and my request to have my security deposit applied to my last month's rent. But there has been no response... of course.
So at 8 AM I hear shouting and pounding next door in the empty apartment (which has been vacant for 4 months). Then I smell cigarette smoke wafting into my apartment. Management's maintenance crew is smoking and it's coming through the large holes in the basement wall between the two apartments and into my first and second floors. I know who it is because they shout when they speak as if they are hearing impaired.
Smoke has been a primary issue for me. I said before I signed the lease that I needed a smoke-free environment because I have respiratory restriction when I am around the residue of cigarette smoke. I discovered after moving in that the previous tenant was an employee of the management company, had free rent plus a salary for several years, and "smoked like a chimney" according to the current maintenance workers. The Landlord simply spray-painted over years of accumulated tar and nicotine. Paint doesn't remove toxicity and carcinogens! In my bathroom you can see hundreds of yellow streaks of nicotine all over the walls and sink area. They are sticky to the touch.
I've asked management what they were prepared to do to keep me as a loyal tenant and there has been no response. However, they have erected huge banners at two street corners announcing, "Now Leasing" and "Free Rent."
Yes, that's right. They are offering free rent to attract new tenants, but they are doing nothing to keep good tenants they already have! And now they are deliberately making my last month here unpleasant. Now I have a kidney stone that isn't passing, a sore and bruised hip from the icy parking lot they won't salt or sand, a wrenched shoulder from that same fall, a cough and throat constriction from 11 months of living with toxins, and now nausea from the smoke. (You already know about the unsafe basement and the slippery porch floor because they refused to use no-slip paint on the warping floor boards that had no expansion gaps.)
I offered them a year of my public relations services to help them attract fabulous tenants for only a month's rent. Not only can Landmark Square not comprehend the gift I offered them and refused to acknowledge the gift, but now they are being childishly passive-aggressive during my last four weeks that I paid for.
And did I mention, they insisted I pay 4 months in advance before I moved in? Why do they want to lose a good tenant like me?
This is exactly what my book, The Generosity Experiment, is about: working against your own best interests when someone wants to help you achieve what you want.
And yes, the property manager knew about the premise of my book from Day One. What can I tell you?
So at 8 AM I hear shouting and pounding next door in the empty apartment (which has been vacant for 4 months). Then I smell cigarette smoke wafting into my apartment. Management's maintenance crew is smoking and it's coming through the large holes in the basement wall between the two apartments and into my first and second floors. I know who it is because they shout when they speak as if they are hearing impaired.
Smoke has been a primary issue for me. I said before I signed the lease that I needed a smoke-free environment because I have respiratory restriction when I am around the residue of cigarette smoke. I discovered after moving in that the previous tenant was an employee of the management company, had free rent plus a salary for several years, and "smoked like a chimney" according to the current maintenance workers. The Landlord simply spray-painted over years of accumulated tar and nicotine. Paint doesn't remove toxicity and carcinogens! In my bathroom you can see hundreds of yellow streaks of nicotine all over the walls and sink area. They are sticky to the touch.
I've asked management what they were prepared to do to keep me as a loyal tenant and there has been no response. However, they have erected huge banners at two street corners announcing, "Now Leasing" and "Free Rent."
Yes, that's right. They are offering free rent to attract new tenants, but they are doing nothing to keep good tenants they already have! And now they are deliberately making my last month here unpleasant. Now I have a kidney stone that isn't passing, a sore and bruised hip from the icy parking lot they won't salt or sand, a wrenched shoulder from that same fall, a cough and throat constriction from 11 months of living with toxins, and now nausea from the smoke. (You already know about the unsafe basement and the slippery porch floor because they refused to use no-slip paint on the warping floor boards that had no expansion gaps.)
I offered them a year of my public relations services to help them attract fabulous tenants for only a month's rent. Not only can Landmark Square not comprehend the gift I offered them and refused to acknowledge the gift, but now they are being childishly passive-aggressive during my last four weeks that I paid for.
And did I mention, they insisted I pay 4 months in advance before I moved in? Why do they want to lose a good tenant like me?
This is exactly what my book, The Generosity Experiment, is about: working against your own best interests when someone wants to help you achieve what you want.
And yes, the property manager knew about the premise of my book from Day One. What can I tell you?
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